Disclaimer: This post was written by a hormonal, pre-menopausal, over-heated, under-caffeinated woman.
Yo VIP, Let's Kick It!
We're experiencing record breaking heat in Colorado.
Which could explain what happened to me yesterday but I think it's the start of menopause. For several days now, I've spent every waking moment in front of an air conditioner/and or fan, the open refrigerator door, my air conditioned car or an air conditioned building.
Darting between these things has been my only time exposed to the elements.
I have issues with heat. I blame it on the time when I was 12 years old and Bobbi, my Dad and I rode our bikes to the Greeley Airport and back without water or sunscreen, (that's how we did things in the 80's) and I ended up with heat stroke.
Now I wither like a delicate flower in the heat and I will never purposely sit in the sun.
So...yesterday, I was in Target with my family getting only a few items. A new swim suit for Alex, toothpaste and maxi pads. But not the GIANT maxi pads.....more about this later.
I'm in line and it's stalled. The woman in front of me brought cloth bags. I've never seen this done at Target. All of a sudden, I feel like I'm about to pass out and my skin feels clammy. I start blowing on my chest because my heart is about to beat out of my body. Time is standing still and there is now a manager being called to deal with an expired coupon.
I'd like to beat someone with this expired coupon and the urge to do so is overwhelming. I look towards the Starbucks/Food Counter to see my family enjoying mini pizza's and unable to help me. I curse their mini pizzas!
Finally it's my turn and my symptoms have not gotten better. Now I'm shaking.
I make a bee line for the food counter because MY FAMILY didn't get ME anything and I order fries and a coke. I devour the food and growl at any hand that comes near my fries. The children are scared.
And then....like magic, I felt fine again and we went home. Home to our 80 degree house.
What is up with the giant freakin maxi pads? For about a year now, every time I buy them, I think I'm buying the NORMAL sized kind and then I get home and find that they reach from my belly button to half way up my back. I always pick the wrong ones!
Finally....yesterday I found the old style on the bottom shelf. They still have wings....but I'm not in any danger of anyone seeing them peeking out of my waistband.
Ice Ice baby, Vanilla Ice Ice Baby.
Word to your mother.