Disclaimer: This post was written by a hormonal, pre-menopausal, over-heated, under-caffeinated woman.
Yo VIP, Let's Kick It!
We're experiencing record breaking heat in Colorado.
Which could explain what happened to me yesterday but I think it's the start of menopause. For several days now, I've spent every waking moment in front of an air conditioner/and or fan, the open refrigerator door, my air conditioned car or an air conditioned building.
Darting between these things has been my only time exposed to the elements.
I have issues with heat. I blame it on the time when I was 12 years old and Bobbi, my Dad and I rode our bikes to the Greeley Airport and back without water or sunscreen, (that's how we did things in the 80's) and I ended up with heat stroke.
Now I wither like a delicate flower in the heat and I will never purposely sit in the sun.
So...yesterday, I was in Target with my family getting only a few items. A new swim suit for Alex, toothpaste and maxi pads. But not the GIANT maxi pads.....more about this later.
I'm in line and it's stalled. The woman in front of me brought cloth bags. I've never seen this done at Target. All of a sudden, I feel like I'm about to pass out and my skin feels clammy. I start blowing on my chest because my heart is about to beat out of my body. Time is standing still and there is now a manager being called to deal with an expired coupon.
I'd like to beat someone with this expired coupon and the urge to do so is overwhelming. I look towards the Starbucks/Food Counter to see my family enjoying mini pizza's and unable to help me. I curse their mini pizzas!
Finally it's my turn and my symptoms have not gotten better. Now I'm shaking.
I make a bee line for the food counter because MY FAMILY didn't get ME anything and I order fries and a coke. I devour the food and growl at any hand that comes near my fries. The children are scared.
And then....like magic, I felt fine again and we went home. Home to our 80 degree house.
**********
What is up with the giant freakin maxi pads? For about a year now, every time I buy them, I think I'm buying the NORMAL sized kind and then I get home and find that they reach from my belly button to half way up my back. I always pick the wrong ones!
Finally....yesterday I found the old style on the bottom shelf. They still have wings....but I'm not in any danger of anyone seeing them peeking out of my waistband.
Ice Ice baby, Vanilla Ice Ice Baby.
Word to your mother.
OMG, I have started with the hot flashes too, and they are CRAZY. The first time I realized what was going on I was at the office, and I felt just like you describe, like I was going to pass out and it was just so effin' hot. I turned down the air and sat underneath it in my office for about an hour. Then I realized that every single man (three of them) in my office were huddled behind their desks in their jackets contemplating building fires. That's when I realized I was the only person in the office sweating. I also realized it really rocks to work with men 15+ years older me that have all had wives go through the menopause. Not one of them said a word to me about it or tried to turn the air up.
ReplyDeleteI would prefer the hot flashes to the heart palpitations I get the week before my period. Oh, and I'm getting mine every three weeks it seems lately. Apparently, our I call b.s. on all of it.
ReplyDeleteOh, and those pads...it's like wearing a ski in your underwear. A man designed them I'm sure.
Then I must be going through menopause, too, because that same thing happens to me every single time I stand in a line at Walmart. Well, at least the part about wanting to stuff coupons down people's throats. ;o)
ReplyDeleteI'm so scared of those hot flashes, and I'm afraid they could show up at any moment for me!
ReplyDeleteThe maxi pads I just used disintegrated and broke apart into these little balls this weekend. What the heck is that?
It sounds more like an anxiety attack to me.....
ReplyDeleteI have never had a hot flash in my life....I freeze to death all. the. time....sometimes I would LOVE to have one!!!
I had something happen like that when I was getting my hair done while pregnant one time-- I was getting it done fancy for a black tie even that night and the girl took 4 frickin hours to do my hair (for an updo!!!) and I was starting to freak that we were going to be late and totally felt like I was going to pass out, cold sweaty and cold at the same time-- so mine was definite more of a panic attack.
ReplyDeletei would love a hot flash as i'm alway cold
ReplyDeleteI don't handle heat well at all.
ReplyDeleteI have had that thing with the heat and the heartbeat thing before too...mostly when I was pregnant but I've had it while not pregnant too.
:(
Hmmm, I guess it's menopause for me too! I get the same way. Especially in frustrating situations :)
ReplyDeleteAs a pregnant gal, experiencing hormones and hotness for the first time ever (I am normally blue I am so cold), I feel your pain!
ReplyDeleteP.S. Target gives you a nickel off for each of your own bags that you use.
I think I would have thrown up...that whole experience sounds miserable!!! I am so sorry. I am with you on the heat, it makes me soooo cranky. We have no AC in my bathroom upstairs so my kids went a week without a bath last week! Oh well, pools and sprinklers make you count...right? And what is up with your family having no food ready for you? ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I just laughed SO hard- form the huge ass maxi pads to the ice ice babying which I now cannot stop singing. thank you for making my night!
ReplyDelete